i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
