Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
