In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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