he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
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Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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