I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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