If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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