I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
