Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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