I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize