he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
