Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
