why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
one might say we're banned from that church
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
