420 ftw
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
