the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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