honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
