Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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