yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize