mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
