I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
