i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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