She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
3pm strippers are depressing
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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