We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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