The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
