its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
