remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
