i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
