The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
