he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
