the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
