And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
