This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
