In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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