I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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