Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
