im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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