Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
