If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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