I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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