I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
