Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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