So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just had sex on a roof
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
