I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
