sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
