Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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