wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
