i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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