Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
