I have demons in me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
