He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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