maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
