tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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