dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
