Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
