I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
