i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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