like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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