So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
