We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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