Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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