the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
