She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
