she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
