if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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