He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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