You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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