Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
